I have come to the conclusion that showing is stressing me out more than giving me pleasure, and because of this I have decided to no longer participate in it. I have really gotten into the “slow living” movement, where we take the focus off production and consumption and instead learn to enjoy the simple things in life. I’ve been slowing down, spending less, making more, and enjoying my life. I’m done with feeling stressed out, tired and pressured to do and be more. I actually started another blog about this. If you’re interested, it’s www.simplesouthern.wordpress.com
The horse show scene for me was feeding into the frenzy I’m trying to leave behind. I am naturally very high-energy and productive. I put undue pressure on myself to perform and get quantifiable results. I want to get back to the place of enjoying my horse for being a horse, regardless of whether I ride him or not, whether I learn any new skills or not. I want to ride bareback and go swim in the river with him in the summer. I want to brush him, feed him apples and remember the elation I felt when he was first mine.
This means I need him closer to me. My ideal barn is both affordable and close to me, but it is full at the moment. So I shall patiently wait for a spot to open up. Until then, no more beating myself up for not having the money to take lessons and show!