Resignation.

I’m not resigning from blogging, don’t worry. (All 3 of you who read my blog, ha ha.) I’m resigning myself to the fact that until my life changes I’m not going to get anywhere with my horse. I have spent the last 6 months, since my second baby was born, mourning the fact that I don’t have enough time to spend riding and that I’m not getting any better. I’ve gotten more and more frustrated as time has passed and my horse sits happily in a pasture not learning how to do anything except get fatter.

When I spent four days in the hospital with my son, I had time to think about my life and my priorities. Quite simply the horse cannot be a priority right now. I have to focus on raising kids and working. I’m under quite a bit of stress with my day to day life and I’ve been adding to it by trying to make progress in riding and feeling like I’m failing.

So I’ve decided to ENJOY my horse. If I don’t have time to ride, then fine, I’ll groom him for 10 minutes and be thankful that he’s mine. I’m going to stop worrying about whether he’s learning anything and whether I’m improving. All that will come when my kids are a little older and my life is less crazy. For now, I’m going to enjoy the fact that Baron is my dream come true, the culmination of a childhood filled with pony fantasies!

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2 thoughts on “Resignation.

  1. Allison November 14, 2010 / 3:01 am

    You are SO right and I am SO right there with you right now in support, horse-sister!! 🙂

    When we got our Dream (and as Baron is for you, he really is for me– by the way he is SO beautiful! Is he chestnut? So is my guy!) 🙂

    …anyway I had 6 children I was homeschooling ages 4-14, (1 is now graduated), but more so– it was 4 months after a tragedy occurred in my immediate family, and I had just picked up a new part-time responsibility: going to court, which took 2 years. My husband and I had also organized a company within those same 4 months. This was early 2007.

    Dream, just being there, was enough. I was blown away for the 1st year anyway, just having him there!

    The grief was awful, and I could barely function normally, even with professional help. But Dream got good care, and he was there. That was all I needed. He was fine, and he helped me. He gave me something else to think about. He still does that for me today. The best distraction of my life.

    As a homeschooler, I have learned to ignore all kinds of outside pressure to perform. We have to live our OWN lives. Sure, you may WANT to do more, but as you’ve said, that day will come.

    You have to be patient and know that as long as your horse is well cared for, you are not committing any crime! He is a lucky guy!

    For my first 3 years practically with Dream, nay-sayers could not really relate to a horse being a “big pet.” Like for some reason it’s ok to just feed and care for your dog, but not your horse.

    Not riding is not a failure!

    I sat with Dream when he ate. I cried at the barn where my kids did not have to see me. I held him when he hurt his foot one summer and drugs put him to sleep.

    Without riding, I’ve already had some of my closest moments in my horse history with him.

    I had to be VERY patient with my life and my responsibilities and my healing. I don’t think I was even emotionally grounded enough to ride him the first 3 years. I kept apologizing to him (I rode occasionally) but in reality, it came when it was time. And I’d had lots of time to get to know him: grooming, ground work, farrier visits, feeding 2ce a day, cleaning his stall every day, grazing him for long periods on a lead rope.

    So you do what’s right for you! You have the blessing of your children AND a huge beautiful horse, a better vacation for an hour than ANY mall trip– and you’ve rescued him already. What more can you really do? The rest is icing on the cake.

    Best wishes,
    Allison

  2. Jenn November 15, 2010 / 8:31 pm

    Rather than considering it a “resignation” consider it a short break from riding. I think all of us every now and again need a reminder about what is most important to us…and sometimes we need a reality check to slow down and just LIVE.

    So, just live. And enjoy your life/kids/horses as it unfolds before you.

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